Surviving
The past 11 weeks and 5 days have been difficult. The best way to put it is that I am surviving. There have been some really bad, scary low days. Every day I feel regret about not holding my girls more. I wish I had cuddled them and taken pictures of them. I didn't and it makes me so sad. I wish so much had gone differently that day. The hardest part is the constant reminders that life just goes on. I still got a call about getting a breast pump, and I had to deal with telling them that the pregnancy didn't go as planned. I had to deal with the ambulance company listing them as boys and sending me 1 bill, for each baby, many times. I finally called them to tell them they weren't boys! They were confused that they weren't on the insurance, so I had to tell them it was because they didn't make it. I actually had the hospital send me two bills with names I'd just thrown out when the EMT thought they were boys, so I had to tell them to change the names, and ...